New York, or the Art of Becoming: Speed, Discomfort, and Growth

Coming to New York City without ever having been to the United States before was, above all, a shock, not a cultural one, but a mindset shock. The rhythm, the speed, the constant enthusiasm were overwhelming at first. New York immediately revealed itself as a place full of dreams, but also full of challenges, demanding your full presence from the very first moment.

I moved to NYC to grow my career in tech and to immerse myself in the fast-paced city life I had heard so much about. But beyond professional ambition, I came with a deeper, quieter intention: to explore who I could become outside my comfort zone. I still remember sitting at the airport before departure, thinking to myself “ this is the moment that changes everything”.

Before arriving, I assumed loneliness would be my biggest challenge. Surprisingly, reality proved otherwise. Despite the immense cultural diversity, as a European I felt comfortable being open and friendly with people. What struck me instead was a different kind of paradox: even surrounded by millions, you remain invisible unless you choose to engage. A simple question here, a brief comment there, and suddenly you find yourself in a conversation with a stranger in a park or while waiting in line for a bagel. New York does not come to you! You have to meet it halfway.

Wanting to experience the “real” New Yorker life, I decided to live in Manhattan. Finding a place within budget, in one of the most desired areas in the world, was anything but easy, though not impossible. My housing journey itself became a reflection of adaptation: from Astoria, to Chelsea, and finally to the Upper West Side where I stayed the last 5 months. A classic NYC neighborhood famous for brownstones, where I am comfortably writing this blog post. Each apartment came with surprises: flatmates, neighborhoods, and yes, sometimes even roaches. Changing three apartments became part of my adaptation process, a reminder that in New York, flexibility is not optional – it’s survival.

More than anything, New York is an experience that can only be understood if fully embraced. To do that, I had to let go of familiar routines: what I used to eat, where I used to go, who I spent my free time with back home. Even staying in touch with family and friends became complicated due to the time difference. Yet that same time difference played an unexpected role: a forced goodbye every day. At 6 PM in New York, communication with home would fade, leaving a simple question behind: What now?

The answer became clear over time: build something new. Explore. Meet people. Taste new food. Discover ideas, cultures, and perspectives I hadn’t even known existed. The world suddenly felt much larger than I had ever imagined, and New York was the lens through which I began to see it.

Once I truly embraced the city, people started appearing naturally. I attended conferences, meetups, and gatherings related to my interests, especially in tech and AI. Each event introduced me to people from completely different backgrounds, industries, and cultures, constantly challenging how I saw the world. Beyond formal settings, some of the most meaningful connections came from cafés and bars, where conversations flowed spontaneously and without expectations.

One of the most fascinating aspects of New York is its endless availability of experiences. On any given day, you can find events ranging from technology and artificial intelligence to art exhibitions, museum gatherings, and even philosophy discussions around Plato. Everything is accessible if you are willing to show up.

These five months changed me in ways I didn’t anticipate. In the U.S., people rarely ask where you’re from; they ask what you do. That simple shift reshaped how I saw myself. Coming from Albania, where approaching strangers isn’t always natural, New York pushed me to become more confident, more direct, and more comfortable initiating conversations and embracing uncertainty.

Professionally, being part of By The People Technologies gave me an inside view of the U.S. market and economy that I could never have imagined before. Working with clients managing over $50+ billion in AUM, numbers we had barely heard spoken aloud back in Albania was a shock in itself. But more impactful than the figures was the mentality.

Time is everything. Nobody has endless time, especially in finance. Our clients Venture Capital firms, Private Equity, Hedge Funds, and Institutional Investors move fast. Decisions are made quickly. No unnecessary bureaucracy, no endless discussions. Deal done, let’s move ahead. Sometimes it’s a handshake in a meeting, sometimes during lunch. Yes, Americans really do business over lunch. This efficiency and clarity in decision-making is something I deeply admired and learned from.

One lesson that marked me permanently came early on. I remember a morning when I had to attend a client meeting at the Vanderbilt building. I prepared everything the night before. Suit ready, plan clear. At that time, I was living in Astoria, where commuting to downtown Manhattan was already challenging. That morning, the subway had other plans. Delays. Confusion. Time slipping away.

I was supposed to meet my trainer, Tim, in front of Vanderbilt 30 minutes before the meeting. At some point, he texted me:
“If you don’t make it by 8:40, don’t show. We either walk in together or not.”

It was 8:30. I still had at least 20 minutes left on the subway. That was the moment I realized: I wouldn’t make it. There was no backup plan. No one to call and hear, “It’s okay, don’t worry”. This wasn’t Europe. This was accountability in its purest form.

Oddly enough, the situation reminded me of Harvey and Mike from Suits, but the lesson was very real. It taught me something I will never forget: professionalism here is not negotiable. Timing is not flexible. And responsibility is personal.

Looking back, I realize how deeply this program shaped my life. When I submitted my application one year earlier, I could never have imagined how much my mindset, habits, and ambitions would change. New York didn’t just give me experiences, it gave me perspective.

I still remember when Martin and Aleksander, the co-CEOs of AADF, told us something that stayed with me:
You have two options. Six months will pass really quickly. You can either stay physically in New York but be mentally in Albania, or you wake up early, run, explore, search for opportunities, and take everything that can benefit you.

I chose the second option. I chose to run, at least figuratively, since winter in New York made literal running a challenge. And I don’t regret it for a second.

Looking back now, I’m deeply grateful for both the struggles and the wonderful moments they shaped me far more than comfort ever could. New York doesn’t feel like a finished chapter, but rather the beginning of a longer story. Wherever I go next, a part of New York will always have my heart.

Looking back now, I’m deeply grateful for this opportunity. Both the struggles and the wonderful moments shaped me far more than comfort ever could. New York doesn’t feel like a finished chapter, but rather the beginning of a longer story. Wherever I go next, a part of New York will always have my heart.

Fatjon Kalemaj